I had no idea what to expect from The Thing: Remastered. I’ve always been a fan of the film, but I was far too young to play the original back in 2002, so I was excited to get a chance to see what all the fuss was about for myself.
Dropping into Outpost 31 in Antarctica, my rag-tag group and I had the simple goal of evacuating survivors and eliminating enemies. This seemed easy enough, but as I said before, I’ve seen the movie, so I knew what was going to be waiting for me around the next corner (hint: there are shape-shifting killer alien life forms around).
But before heading into the research facility, I decided the best course of action would be to get a bearing on my surroundings. This is when I came across the Blair-Thing’s UFO, which was hidden underneath the toolshed, just like in the film. It was an exciting discovery, but I was quickly brought back down to Earth by the protagonist, Captain J.F. Blake, shrugging it off with a snarky comment: “Yeah yeah, we’re not alone in the universe and all that crap—check it out and move on.” Way to kill the mood, Blake.
The Thing: Remastered felt like more of a dark comedy than a horror survival game
From this point onwards, it was clear that my time in this game was going to be a unique experience. The Thing: Remastered is a faithful restoration of the 2002 game, so I wasn’t expecting a complete overhaul, but I do think the developers missed a trick in not daring to update certain aspects like the voice acting or the script. It’s tough because I like this game for the wrong reasons. There were plenty of hilarious and cool moments that are befitting of any action hero, like blowing up aircraft hangers, and taking on soldiers with flamethrowers while also fending off mutated beasts. But it was also unintentionally funny, far too much for me to take any of it seriously.
There were a few instances when I had no idea what else to do other than laugh. At one point, I found myself chasing mutants into a blizzard like some Benny Hill sketch, only to trigger a completely different cutscene that would plonk me somewhere entirely different. I never saw those alien shape-shifters again.
Another moment that’s stuck with me was likely meant to be a heartfelt interaction between Blake and Pierce up in the weather tower. My character begged Pierce to try and hang on, to fight the infection, and not to give in and turn into one of those monsters that so many others have been lost to, only for Pierce to look me dead in the eyes and go, “My dad always said if you need something done right do it yourself” and then shot himself in the head.
The Thing: Remastered felt like more of a dark comedy than a horror survival game because of these ridiculous and poorly scripted moments that were spattered throughout the game. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if you’re looking for something that’ll scare you, look elsewhere.
Even still, some clear improvements were made. The guns handle alright, the game runs really well on my 3070, and the graphics look clean while keeping the scruffy, pixilated charm of the original. There were also some interesting puzzles for me to complete. One such example involved me trying to open up cells in a maze so I could free a civilian while making sure mutants weren’t also let loose. But that almost always ended in the wrong person getting eaten and then mutating into yet another monster.
Apart from saving hardly anyone, my biggest regret about The Thing: Remastered was that it wasn’t as scary as I had hoped for. I was so ready to creep around the hallways of Outpost 31, terrified about what I could run into. An atmospheric stealth horror version of The Thing is exactly what I would have loved.
But even though The Thing: Remastered didn’t scare me or particularly feel like much of a survival game, it was still fun and a great way to experience what the director, John Carpenter, viewed as the canon sequel to the 1982 film.
