Couple’s dispute over playing Slay the Spire 2 in bed gets a ruling from comedian John Hodgman: ‘Pick an arbitrary battle and stick with it’

Amidst the constant flood of negative and depressing stories about the gaming industry, it’s nice to get a glimmer of good news now and then. Today that news comes via the court of Judge John Hodgman, who has ruled that it is perfectly legal to play Slay the Spire 2 in bed—even if the person in bed with you doesn’t agree.

Some background, if you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about: actor, author, and all-around funny person John Hodgman has a podcast called Judge John Hodgman where he rules on the disputes brought into his virtual courtroom.

These gentle disputes are typically between friends, family members, or partners, and consist of good-natured beefs or unusual disagreements: for example, one memorable case I listened to recently involved one person who thought it was perfectly normal to flush leftover soup down the toilet instead of dumping it in the sink, and another who (rightfully, imho) thought that was a pretty goddamn weird thing to do.

Hodgman hears both sides of cases like this and then makes a thoughtful ruling on who is in the right, with the plaintiff and defendant agreeing to abide by his decision. (I won’t spoil the soup case: it is fascinating.)

This most recent dispute brought before Judge Hodgman involves whether or not it’s OK to play games, particularly Slay the Spire 2, when in bed with a partner, and really, who better to adjudicate such a case than John Hodgman? He not only plays PC games (until recently he was regularly streaming himself playing SimCity 2013) but he also portrayed the PC in the old Mac vs PC ads that foolishly tried to convince us that a hoodied, goateed Justin Long was more appealing than a nerdy yet dapper John Hodgman. What the hell were you thinking, Apple?

In the case, Dan complains that his fiancée, Elissa plays her favorite game, Slay the Spire 2, in their bed on a laptop. Dan believes screens don’t have a place in the bedroom and Elissa’s nighttime gaming habits are ruining her chances for healthy sleep. Elissa says playing games before bedtime actually helps her sleep and she has trouble drifting off if she doesn’t do some gaming before bed. Who’s right and who’s wrong?

Well, as you already know from subtle context clues like me saying earlier that Dan is wrong, Dan is wrong—but for a few reasons. First, Dan admits Elissa’s gaming habits aren’t actually keeping him awake at night: the light from her laptop screen and whatever tapping or clicking she’s doing don’t interfere with his rest at all.

“Pick an arbitrary battle and stick with it,” Hodgman says when Dan admits to stubbornly storming off to sleep on a couch when he sees Elissa bringing her laptop into their bedroom.

“One of the major arguments for marriage is to have someone in the room with you while you’re playing a video game,” Hodgman says. “When Dan leaves the premarital bed out of spite to prove a point to you, Elissa, how does that make you feel? Really eager to marry him?”

I know there’s a school of thought that says you should cut down on screentime right before bed, and some folks feel similarly to Dan that bedrooms should only be for sleeping and, well, let’s call it “WooHoo” to keep it videogame related.

But Judge Hodgman ultimately rules in favor of Elissa because, honestly, Dan really doesn’t have a case: he wasn’t himself losing sleep due to Elissa’s gaming habits, he just believed she should share an identical sleeping philosophy. And since he’s her fiancee and not, y’know, her dad, Hodgman ruled Elissa can decide for herself what she wants to do before going to sleep.

I think it’s a sound ruling, though I do have one sticking point: as a legal expert myself (I took a single business law class in community college 15 years ago and got a B) I think Hodgman should have recused himself from this case, and any case dealing with sleep, as he frequently advertises a mattress company on his podcast. Classic case of conflict of interest and grounds for appeal.

You can watch the entire case on YouTube or download the Judge John Hodgman podcast here.