I modded Crazy Taxi into Grand Theft Auto 5

Have you heard? Crazy Taxi is coming back. As a game, yes (with some rather off-putting gen-AI mixed in there), and also as a movie. You may have heard this. What you have not heard is that I, personally, am bringing Crazy Taxi back. I am bringing it back to Los Santos, to Grand Theft Auto 5.

Simply put, I have installed the aptly-named Crazy Taxi Mod, which has populated my doomed and bedraggled city with a new variety of quest: a taxi quest. A crazy taxi quest.

Approach a yellow circle and the game will prompt you to hit H. Hit H and you will enter a world of point-to-point transportation. The mod gives you a selection of cars, all yellow, and none of which I can remember because all the cars in my game are seized by irresistible movement, which means they immediately jet off the vehicle-select screen as soon as they appear.

An added consequence of this behaviour is that you have to choose a car quickly. The mod will teleport you into the one you’ve chosen, whatever its location. Wait too long, and the car you want to drive will have either taken flight or ploughed into the side of a building and exploded.

Regardless, once you’re in, it’s pure Crazy Taxi. You’ve got a time limit and the sidewalks have punters. Pick them up and your time limit extends. The goal is rapidity, to keep your pickups and dropoffs frequent enough that your time limit is actually growing in the aggregate, rather than depleting.

Or it would be, but my various fares keep getting scared off by the rolling gang war that Los Santos has, at this point, descended into. Or they get hit by cars, or shot by my bodyguards, or they have bad credit maybe. Who knows? Point is, they sometimes fail to actually get in the car, leaving me idling my big yellow taxi forlornly at the side of the road, eternally.

But aren’t we all doing that in some way, when you think about it?